A few years ago, I went on a big group camping trip a week after a friend’s bar mitzvah. Not entirely satisfied with the traditional synagogue ceremony, we invented a coming of age ritual of our own – all it took was a bunch of guys, some shared wisdom, and a gorilla suit.
On our first day in camp, I charged out of my cabin in full gorilla getup. I grabbed hold of Isaac the bar mitzvah boy and escorted him up a nearby bluff, where all of the men sat cross-legged in a circle. We proceeded to go around and share “secrets of manhood.”
The secrets ranged from the practical to the profound. One guy talked about how hardship creates character. An electrician advised Isaac to “always buy real estate.” Someone said that, “when you’re out on a date, always let a woman through the door first. You look gentlemanly, and you can check out her tuchus.” But, the thing I remember most was a friend who whispered, “Everyone wants to be invited.”
Isaac liked it and the men did too. We’ve done it three times since, most recently with a mix of boys and girls and a giant chicken costume.
Who knows? Maybe Good Life Gorilla or the Wisdom Chicken will catch on, and thousands of teens will one day know the terror of being kidnapped by their elders in animal costumes. None of the “secrets” we’ve shared have been revelatory, but there’s something profound about even the promise of learning a forbidden thing. It’s all about what that guy whispered at the first circle: “Everyone wants to be invited.” Being pulled aside by the adults, singled out, invited into a world, told you belong in an actual community – that’s a huge part of what coming of age is really about.
