Lie in bed, half asleep or half awake.
Listen to how the storms rage outside the retreat cabin,
the ones you’ve watched drive, spark, and roll in all evening.
There is something out there—somehow in here as well,
with its thunder or slow drip, no matter.
until you see how close, even in sleep, you have come
to witnessing whether or not you should be born;
at least as close as you’ll get before leaving.
When the time comes, it will ring.
A resounding “I love you,” heard by the heart before
the mind even shapes the words. And
your dream-arms will wonder whether they should, or even can, reach
out to embrace. “I love you too”
costs everything, even in a dream, if you don’t say it now—
now that you’ve felt your heart want to say it;
it may never let you back in.
In my life as a contemplative spiritual director, executive coach, and community founder, I’ve become acutely aware of the feeling “now is the time” and its sister feeling “now is not the time.” The YES and NO are the same ping for me, starting at the solar plexus, clearing the sinuses, feet feeling the ground. Sometimes I know to say, “if not now, when,” and sometimes I have to hear someone else say it first to recognize it.
Waiting, (“not now”) is human—waiting for supper, for a ride, for the breakthrough. Only toddlers and the most privileged tyrants fail to see how waiting is as true as gravity. But—oh my! witnessing the moment of “I will wait no longer” is like watching a seed send green growth, a giant die, or the twilight shedding light off to fireflies in summer. “Now” is human too.
Troy Bronsink is a coach, consultant, author, and is the founder emeritus of The Hive www.troybronsink.com
For Every Jewel There is a Question:
If you knew that acting now would change everything forever, would you still hesitate?
