My son brought home a drawing of our family: his sister, two brothers and an Abba with silly grins. Then, I noticed myself. A person with a wide-open mouth. “Why am I the only one with my mouth open?” He answered, “Because you’re the one who’s always yelling.” My heart sank. I might be the disciplinarian but I don’t want to be known as the “yeller” in the family.
My daughter offered an ultimate challenge. Whichever parent “yelled” the least would get a prize. And I wanted to win. When bedtime ran late, I calmly asked everyone to head towards their rooms. When siblings argued, I feigned ignorance…claiming I was in a challenge. Have I completely changed my behavior? Not exactly. But lesson learned. Want to understand which part of your soul needs mending? Ask someone you trust; someone you love to draw your picture. Our own reflection is misleading. Let your loved one’s sketch be your guide for self-healing.
I’m a mom. I will sometimes yell; we all do. But I hope Zachary’s next picture will show my grin just a little less wide…a drawing that shows a mom who is willing to change. Challenge accepted.
Nicole Guzik is a beloved author and rabbi of Sinai Temple in California www.sinaitemple.org
