Self-examination is rarely easy, sometimes painful and yet always necessary. I tell my students: “don’t fall in love with your own assumptions.” Much like examining one’s own purposes, questioning one’s own assumptions is hard. In fact, too often in the world of national security—my world—the policy-makers/analysts are not even aware of their assumptions. Policies are driven by givens that are not questioned. The same in life—aren’t many of us driven by habits that are impervious to the effect on others or our presumed priorities.
Where should one start with self-examination? Why not ask, do I have the right priorities? In my own case, I may say family comes first but do I live up to that? I was reminded of that by a question my grandson Dan, aged 7 and living in Israel, asked my wife, Debbie, recently: “Why does Saba [grandpa] always leave here before you do?” Curiosity only or was Dan asking why was he not important enough for me to stay? Too often I suspect I rationalize why I must leave—there is a conference or an invitation to an “important” meeting elsewhere in the Middle East or a track two, informal diplomatic discussion, “needs” me. By leaving the way I often do, what kind of an example am I setting for him and his brothers? Can I do a better job of balancing between what I need to do and what I should do?
Yes, is the answer.
Ambassador Dennis Ross is the Counselor and William Davidson Distinguished Fellow at the Washington Institute for Near East Policy. www.washingtoninstitute.org
