Elul 29 ~ Rabbi Deena Cowans ~ In Our Control

On Erev Rosh Hashanah last year, I did something wildly out of character: I messaged a guy I knew many years ago and asked him if he wanted to get a drink. I’m not usually so forward, but it had been a tough year and I was sick of feeling like my life was happening to me.

I sent the message just before lighting candles for Rosh Hashanah, and spent the entire two day holiday giddy with myself and a feeling of possibility. The outcome wasn’t nearly as important to me as the fact that I did it. I rode through the entire High Holidays season buoyed by my own agency. (Spoiler: he said yes, but then, like millennials, we never ended up meeting)

The High Holiday season can push us to feel subject to the whims of the world. Who shall live, and who shall die, we ask? Are we clay in a potter’s hand, ready to be shaped according to Divine will? What fate will be written and sealed for us? Yet as we beat our hearts and deprive our bodies in service of our souls, we remember that we decide what we will do and what we will not do. The outcome may be unknown, but the actions are in our control.

That simple message grew into my spiritual intention for the year: don’t say no to myself on behalf of someone else. And so, all year, I have challenged myself to ask for what I want. Sometimes, I don’t get it, sometimes I do, and sometimes, I get something I wasn’t expecting. But each time I send the text, or make the ask, or speak out my goals, I feel a thrill. The world is full of no’s, but they are not limits I impose on myself, and that is exactly the spiritual high I need.

Rabbi Deena Cowans is a graduate of the Jewish Theological Seminary. She serves as the Director of Jewish Life and Learning at B’nai Jeshurun in New York City. www.bj.org

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For Every Jewel There is a Question:
What’s the most wildly out of character thing you’ve ever done?