As soon as I began reading Michael Santos Jewel, I was reminded of the tremendous insight and humility that can be found in those spending their daily life existing in both an internal and external prison. They are forced to understand that there is truly nowhere to turn towards but oneself for internal freedom, transcendence and enlightenment. You don’t have to be an inmate to know what it feels like to be imprisoned by your own thoughts.
It has been my experience that to “return” and truly be at one with that unique and divine spark we each possess, you must have the raw courage to face yourself and the world, and the willingness to trudge through the mud.
During a time where I felt imprisoned by a severe depression and desperate for inner peace, I’d imagine standing in a pitch-dark room, and unaware I had been there most of my life. Within this imagery, my Aunt Reeva, approached me and whispered in my ear that she had a candle, and asked if I had the courage to light it and see what was going on around me. She said that shedding light was essential for gaining clarity of who I was at my essence, and to help rekindle my own divine spark.
I knew I no longer wanted to suffer, and chose to light the candle. It was intensely startling to imagine zombie-like demons swarming all around me and looking up. I wasn’t aware that my demons had always been there with me.
Where the raw courage happened was within my refusal to snuff out the light and just remain in the dark. I even allowed for the flame to grow over time. As the light grew, my connection with the universe became more beautifully distinct and expansive, and the demons significantly lessened. I made the exodus from my own darkness and was no longer afraid of the light. And I knew who I was, and really like that person.
This Yom Kippur, may we all choose to light our own candles, and have the raw courage to keep it lit and let the flame grow. May living in the light become a way of life.
Lia Mandelbaum, Blogger for Jewish Journal, social worker, activist and part of the Future50 cohort.
Written in response to Michael G. Santos’ Jewel “If I Knew Then…” Read it here.
